Dear miss manners

My husband admits he is uncomfortable when she insists that he give her a ride on his motorcycle or shoot a game of pool with her. My husband has joined her in the basement to shoot pool, while her own husband just smiles, and the rest of us watch football upstairs. I confidentially mentioned to her that my husband is uncomfortable with her constantly asking for a ride on his motorcycle, and suggested maybe she could stop for a while.

Next time we saw her, she was more insistent and flirty. I mentioned this to my husband, and to the first couple, who all think she is just having fun. My husband said he does not like her, and agrees that if I do not want to be around her, we will go to dinner only when she is not around. I feel she ignored my request to stop asking my husband for a ride, and she has never been my friend. After all, you are the one who voiced objections. Your husband played pool with her; he has not rebuffed her behavior.

And the conflict has been resolved by removing both you and her from the socializing. Miss Manners does not doubt what your husband told you in private. But she knows that the only workable solution will be for him to speak up, if not to the offender, then at least to Couple 1.

And now that everyone thinks the problem is you, he will have to be that much more persuasive when he does. His hair, however, is thinning in the middle. They make a remark, and laugh at his expense in a kidding fashion, but I know it bothers my husband. It bothers me, too! But whether this is effective or not as a deterrent, sharing with your husband what you just told Miss Manners will mean more to him than their thoughtless behavior.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www. Report an error Policies and Standards Contact Us. Plus: I think he's sharing voyeur images from our home network. Plus: We had to cancel everything a week before the wedding. Plus: Why was I introduced as 'the wife of so-and-so'? Plus: Even my ex-husband is fine with my new guy, but my son is being rude. Post was not sent - check your email addresses!

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Some features on this site require registration. Please click here to register for free. Hello and thank you for registering. Please complete the process by verifying your email address. If you can't find the email you can resend it here. Some features on this site require a subscription. I recently celebrated my birthday and was fortunate to have many kind and generous friends at my party.

When writing Thank You notes I noticed that I did not have a note for a couple who attended the party. I went through all of the cards and gifts one more time - nothing from them. It seems very out of character for them to have not even brought a card. If they did not bring a card or gift, I don't want to do anything that would call attention to that. However, if they did bring something, and it was mis-placed I would hate to not have sent a note.

It appears that the only thing you care about is what material things people have given you.

Miss Manners: Why was I introduced as 'wife of so-and-so'?

The best thing a friend or loved one can give is themselves. Send them a note thanking them for their thoughtfulness. They will either thank you for the card or wonder what your talking about if they did'nt give you anything.

Then you will have your answer. Miss Manners, Carolyn Hax, and Dear Abby all have repeatedly noted that no one owes you a gift for a holiday or a party.

No one ever "owes" someone a gift--a gift is freely given 9that is why it is called "a gift". Would you ever show up to a friend's dinner party without some small gift for the hostess? You're going to someone's birthday party, pick up a card and sign it. A gift is never required or should be expected but I would never attend an event empty handed. I would feel a bit awkward but maybe thats just me. Send them a note saying you know they were there but their card and their gift must have gotten misplaced.

Guilt them into giving you a great present that they may have mistakenly left 'in the car'. Call them, explain the situation, and ask if they had given you a gift and if so, what. If they did, thank them profusely and send them a nice card. If they did not, you have just shamed them into purchasing something for that will cost more than what they would have spent had they brought a gift originally.

Actually, you will have revealed yourself to be an asshole with no manners, thereby saving them all future birthday gifts, as they won't be coming.

Dear Miss Manners

OP, why not just call them and thank them so much, in a nice, ambiguous way that might be an expression of gratitude for coming to the party. I'm sorry if this was suggested earlier, but R3's "what your talking about" stopped me in my tracks and rendered me completely discombobulated.

R4 needs to be beat with Ann Landers' fabled wet noodle for presuming to invoke the brilliant and correct authority of Judith Manners in the same sentence as the execrable hack, Carolyn Hax, who is a nasty, mincing and equivocating piece of work. And in this situation there is no cause for concern.Goodreads helps you follow your favorite authors. Be the first to learn about new releases! Follow Author.

It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes - naturally, no one wants to live any other way.

A woman was either a lady or she wasn't, and we all know what the latter meant. Not even momentary lapses were allowed; there is no female equivalent of the boys-will-be-boys concept. With telephone and beeper, people subject themselves to being instantly accessible to everyone at all times, and it is the person who refuses to be on call, rather than the importunate caller, who is considered rude.

No infant has ever appeared yet with the grace to understand how inconsiderate it is to disturb others in the middle of the night. My father says it's because I am a child--I am twelve-and-a-half years old--but it still isn't fair.

dear miss manners

If I go into a store to buy something, nobody pays any attention to me, or if they do, it's to say, "Leave that alone," "Don't touch that," although I haven't done anything.

My money is as good as anybody's, but because I am younger, they feel they can be mean to me. It happens to me at home, too. My mother's friend who comes over after dinner sometimes, who doesn't have any children of her own and doesn't know what's what, likes to say to me, "Shouldn't you be in bed by now,dear? Is there any way I can make these people stop?

Before, after, and during breakfast, luncheon and dinner, it is vulgar to wear a mixture of colored precious stones. That is why there is such hostility between generations in times of rapid change; their manners being different, each feels affronted by the other, taking even the most surface choices for challenges.This is a second wedding for both parties, and both are well over 50 years old and established. The groom has been unemployed for years, and the bride-to-be makes close to six figures.

Regardless of their financial situation, neither could afford to have a large wedding, so they started planning a small, intimate event.

Flash-forward a few weeks.

dear miss manners

Suddenly, 70 invitations go out in the mail, people are being asked to provide tables, tablecloths, food, labor, decorations, flowers from their gardens, music, photography, transportation for her mother … you get the picture.

Miss Manners, the guests of this wedding love and adore the bride and wish her nothing but the best, but how do we tell her that enough is enough?

dear miss manners

In addition to throwing her a shower, assisting in throwing the wedding, and providing the setup and cleanup, we are expected to bring her gifts. I love this woman but am sick of feeling used and abused. As she is a good friend, Miss Manners suggests that you take her aside and tell her that her guests will be more at ease enjoying less-expensive fare than being asked to provide it. And then point her in the direction of the nearest dollar store and task-assistance app. Our guest and I were caught off guard, but then politely stopped talking.

Of course, she was never able to finish her story after that. Had your husband asked you and your dinner partner politely if you could speak more quietly, Miss Manners would have been more willing to take his side. However, it is a reasonable expectation that at dinner parties of more than three people, multiple conversations may take place.

Or ones that exclusively involve speeches and toasts. Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www. Report an error Policies and Standards Contact Us. Plus: I think he's sharing voyeur images from our home network. Plus: We had to cancel everything a week before the wedding. Plus: Why was I introduced as 'the wife of so-and-so'? Plus: Even my ex-husband is fine with my new guy, but my son is being rude. Post was not sent - check your email addresses!

Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.In no case have I ever seen a reason for anger and impatience. I find this expression entirely disrespectful and rude, but have no idea how, or if, one should respond. It seems to me that everybody has those moments when they are distracted and unknowingly test the patience of a bystander. I enjoy writing a simple note to dear friends. However, as a high school English teacher, I receive thoughtful thank-you gifts from students — primarily, but not exclusively, thank-yous for writing letters of recommendation on their behalf.

Miss Manners

A thank-you note from a student is cherished and a thank-you gift is not necessary, but appreciated. Am I obliged to write a thank-you note for a thank-you gift? Letters of thanks need not be answered, but presents, for whatever reason they are given, must always be acknowledged.

She is even more shocked that this comes from a teacher — and one who writes letters of thanks to friends and appreciates receiving them from students. Why would you not want to take a few minutes to dash off a few more short notes to give your generous students the same pleasure?

Do you really want to set them an example of ignoring thoughtfulness? Following the ceremony, there will be a seated dinner and dancing, which will last into the night. I plan to wear a long dress and a small, decorative hat.

Hats are worn at English weddings because the ceremony takes place during the day, but they may not be worn at night. Long dresses may be worn at night, but not during the day. Miss Manners hopes she caught you before you packed. Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www. Report an error Policies and Standards Contact Us. Plus: I think he's sharing voyeur images from our home network.

Plus: We had to cancel everything a week before the wedding. Plus: Why was I introduced as 'the wife of so-and-so'?

Plus: Even my ex-husband is fine with my new guy, but my son is being rude. Post was not sent - check your email addresses! Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.Partly cloudy this evening followed by increasing clouds with showers developing after midnight.

Low 56F. Winds SW at 10 to 15 mph. Updated: April 17, pm. Dear Miss Manners: I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his wealthy parents to celebrate my birthday. I've been dating my boyfriend for eight months and have visited his family a number of times, and I'm growing more and more comfortable with them. I'm certainly not from a wealthy background, but I like to consider myself a classy young lady. Because of my level of comfort, I was a lot more vocal at this particular celebration than at the last one.

I got through drinks, appetizers and the main course with grace, in my humble opinion. However, when the waitress came to take our dessert and coffee order, I inquired about the espresso to find out if it was good.

I asked our server a number of questions to see if she knew anything about good coffee. As I kept asking questions, my boyfriend's father interrupted and said, "Excuse me, are you tipping her?

Later, I realized this may have been rude to my boyfriend's father, as he was being kind enough to treat me to a very expensive dinner.

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However, I really wanted to be sure the espresso would be satisfactory. If I had ordered it and not liked it, I would have been very disappointed.

Gentle Reader: Really? After a convivial evening at the invitation of people who are important to you, you would have been "very disappointed" if the coffee had not met your standard? It certainly suggests to your hosts that you are hard to please and that they, at any rate, were not succeeding.

Miss Manners suggests that you drop that argument about being "comfortable" enough to question the quality of the family's dinner in your honor. That you feel comfortable about appearing ungrateful should frighten their son, as well as them. The last time, when we were in Montreal, they would approach merchants, etc.

This made me uncomfortable, but I did not know what to do. English is much less prevalent in Quebec City than in Montreal. My father-in-law has made a comment in regards to a previous trip he took to Quebec that "a lot of them won't even try to speak English," as if it is their bad manners not to try to adapt to him in their home country and not vice versa.

Gentle Reader: Has he tried the traditional British approach: If foreigners don't understand you, speak louder? Her real suggestion is that you learn to say in French, "Please forgive him; he doesn't speak French.

Dear Miss Manners: When you are finished with your napkin, do you put it on the table or on the seat in a restaurant? Mine had barbecue sauce on it, and I put it on the table. My friend said it should have been put on the seat, but that would have put the sauce on the seat.

This was not a four-star restaurant. Gentle Reader: Nor was it a cloth napkin, Miss Manners guesses, and a paper napkin soaked with barbecue sauce is a useless menace. If there is table service, you ask for a fresh one, and if not, you get up to get one yourself, depositing the wet one in the trash.

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Cloth napkins are properly placed on the table at the end of a meal, and on the chair only if one leaves the table with the intention of returning.

But even Miss Manners would suspend this rather than have to leave the restaurant with a big red spot on the back of her skirt. Dear Miss Manners: Is it proper etiquette to ask for presents when you are being married again second, third or fourth marriage?

Gentle Reader: No, and not for the first, either. Begging is sometimes a necessity for the destitute; it is never a social ritual.Dear Annie: In a future column, please stress that when someone is cheating or being cheated onthey should be tested, along with everyone else involved -- and the sooner the better.

Dear JP: Great advice. I hope this isn't a lesson that you had to learn the hard way. Being cheated on is bad enough. Readers can visit gettested.

Read more. How nice that she has retired in Florida and has access to a pool. She is among those whose financial well-being allows them to swim a mile daily and maintain their appearance in ways that many others cannot. This reminds me of the celebrities who give birth to twins and 90 days later are back Dear Annie: I have a longtime friend who lives on the other side of the country. We're all retired now. We used to tell each other all about our lives, but for the past few years, I only hear from her how wonderful her life is and how she plans and goes on so many vacations.

They have lots of money, and I'm glad that they are so happy. Dear Annie: My best friend had planned a vacation to visit friends in Florida for several weeks. Despite being asked to stay home by our nation's health care advisers, to stop the spread of coronavirus, she and her husband went on their vacation.

When I told her I couldn't believe they were still going, she said, "Well, at least we'll be in On the website is a minute Body Scan for Sleep. It is so relaxing I am usually asleep before it's over. Dear Already Sleeping: Thank you for this tip. With everything going on in Dear Annie: Eight years ago, my brother asked me to support his network marketing work by purchasing a service. Although we weren't interested, my wife and I signed up to support him and he was pretty insistent.

I tried the service several times but didn't feel that it was helpful. With the downturn in the economy, and a scary time for our Dear Annie: I'm a widow.


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